Råd

The Z apocalypse

Max wake up in the prison cell. It is quiet and he can't see anyone.

- Hello! Max scream.

- Anyone there? Greg, John, Davids?

He sits down and wait for a response. one minute later Max hear someone. But the person don`t say anything. The person just mumbles.

- Davids is that you? If you are going to beat me up…. I just want to say i didn't mean to punch you….. I was going to punch Lucas.

Max crawls to the iron bars to get a closer look on the person. He see a man in a prison suit, a prison suit field with blood.

Max looks around and find a stone. He throw it in the mans head. The man turns around. He is grey and looks dead in the face. Max is horrified. He starts to run to Max. Max starts to crawl backwards. The man tries to grab Max but does not succeed. After a while the person starts to walk away. Max starts to breathe heavily.

- What the fuck was that? Max says to himself.
He suddenly hear a sound. Max looks to his left. He see The same man falling to the ground. Max looks at the wall for a short while. He see a giant hole and understand that the person must have crawl through it. Max quickly starts to crawl to the right wall. When he has come to the right wall the person is already near him.

Ni har ett intressant intro, dock behöver ni renskriva er engelska. Jag hittade massvis med stavfel, hur gammal är ni?

* Glöm inte stor bokstav & punkt.
* Istället för att bara skriva 'Max' kan du variera genom att skriva 'He' eller liknande. Samma sak när du skrev:

'The person turns around. The person is grey and looks dead in the face. Max is horrified. The person starts to run to Max. Max starts to crawl backwards. The person tries to grab Max but does not succeed.',

så skriv inte bara 'The Person', utan variera.

* Du skrev "one minute later Max here someone". Here betyder 'här', och jag tror ordet du söker är 'hear'.
* Det är bra att du delar in texten i stycken, det blir lättare att läsa då.

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Där var mina små tips ^__^ Hoppas det hjälpte!

Tack för tipsen!

superV: I framtiden så vore kanske tråden Ni som skriver... en bra tråd om man vill få stöd av andra som skriver.

Menare du att jag ska dela in texten i stycken eller att jag gör det?

Att du gör det & att det är bra.

tack så mycket